Wednesday, 10 October 2007
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this is how we exist.
what if we were soulmates? he asks. what if we were together in a past life?
i forget my answer. it was just the vodka & orange juice talking for the both of us anyway.
we make music together, sober ourselves up. he plays rhythm and i improvise along a solo. i play rhythm and he improvises along a solo. we take turns at this.
then i put my guitar down and he plays for me. the rain falls lazily outside; we can't hear it; the music and our thoughts are swirling around the atmosphere. our thoughts, completely different, but the same, since i am him and he is me -- we are all one another because this is how we exist. the music, a beautiful, mellow D major-based melody.
our eyes are locked. for a long time, we don't speak, just stare. sometimes i break from the connection to watch him arpeggio the chords, but he, he never once looks away.
then he begins to sing.
as i look deep into your eyes
i try to wonder why
it's so easy to forget who i am
when i'm around youwhen i'm around you
as the sun sets in the west
your hand draws close as we lay to rest
and my body shakes me senseless
when i'm around youwhen i'm around you
it's so amazing how we both met
eerily attracted to the same set
can't figure how to take a single breath
when i'm around youwhen i'm around you
the first few lines of this, he makes up as we are staring at each other. then, he spends the next hour working out the rest of the lyrics, writing them on a legal pad as i am taking photos of him because he looks so aesthetically real and human at this time, and i never want to forget it, and i don't want him to, either.
he plays the complete song for me after i get out of the shower. it fills me up with a strangeness quite unlike anything i've ever felt.
i am imploding.
it will storm throughout the night by the coast where i live, but i'm staying inland with him tonight so all is quiet. then in the morning as we drive to school, the rain, almost hail, will pound against the windshield and the concrete and make it impossible to see ahead of us. we will converse about music and conspiracy theories and the future of the world, and it will be warm inside the car and i'll take his hand just because, and i'll feel slightly nervous about it, but he will give my fingers a squeeze, and it will remind me of the night i had a little too much to drink and said things to him that i would rather not have had him know. it will remind me of everything he said back to me, things he would not have told me if he'd known i would remember all of it the next morning. (to him, everything is still a secret. but what i never told him is, i remember every word.)
and so, this moment in the car on the highway will seem utterly perfect and surreal to me. but i don't know any of this right now as he is singing, as i am imploding. i just know that every one should feel what it's like to have a song written about them.
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